Let’s Forget January | Paul Daniels Magic World

Let’s Forget January

So many queries as to how I am and where I am. Thank you for all of those and for the good wishes. The truth is that whilst my ill fortune could not get any worse…. it did stay pretty bad. I made the following notes along the way…..

Good grief. What am I doing here? It is the 1st of February and I am propped up in a hospital bed and I confess to trying to control the fear inside me.

This has been a terrible month. On the very first day I made a mistake using a table saw and damaged my left hand. It wasn’t just the pain that hit me, or the realisation that I might not be able to perform magic again, it was the aftershock and stress that really cut into me and all month I have had to keep dragging myself up from depression. I have had to give myself many a talking to and just when I thought I was winning I got severe stomach cramps. These were so severe I finished up being looked after by paramedics and taken into the Royal Berkshire Hospital.

I had had food poisoning that took me close to leaving the planet a couple of times and this felt like that, only worse. I wanted to be sick but I couldn’t be. They hit me with pills on pills on pills, took blood and injected me to kill the pain and over a period of 12 hours came to the conclusion I had gall stones. They sent me home and within minutes of walking through the front door I got my wish. Thankfully I had made it to the bathroom when my innards left me.

The next day they gave me one of those ultra sound scans and started talking about removing my gall bladder. To them this is routine stuff. To me it’s a MAJOR piece of my body.

I know they have told me it’s an unnecessary bit, rather like the appendix… was God really that bad at design? All I know is that they have put me on the emergency list for tomorrow because I have now had two of these attacks. They hope they can fit me in. I have had to sign the form. The very nice surgeon explained how simple it all is BUT then they go through all the (albeit small percentages) of things that might go wrong and now I keep trying to find stuff to focus on to take me away from the nasty bits.

Debbie was here earlier. I feel terrible about the strain under which I am putting her. Deb is brilliant at smiling, laughing, reassuring me, but I know all this stuff is getting to her. Please don’t let tomorrow go wrong and mess up her life any more.

Tonight they have just been, yet again, and my blood pressure has gone through the roof. Oh dear. I have always been able to control myself when they took it but I am SO uptight that maybe the machine is close to the mark.

Everything in here bleeps. Men snore, belch, vomit, fart all through the night but it is the non stop warning bleeps that come from the electronic devices attached to patients that get to me. They are WARNING devices but nobody comes to switch them off…. I guess they become background noise to the staff. I wonder why they are not connected to the nurse station in the corridor by some means, even Bluetooth, so the sounds are away from the patients. I want to sleep, but I know they are looking for another blood pressure machine to cross check my results.

Quarter To Eleven at night and I am starving hungry. I am trying to not eat the fruit and toast until nearer midnight, when I must stop eating until the operation. Then I am going to have a couple of Paracetemol and hope they put me to sleep. G’night all.

4th Fbruary… evening… I have had the operation. The gall bladder has gone. I wonder if I weigh less. Finger gone. Bladder gone. I should weigh less.

Sure, I finished up with sore bits, but not as bad as I thought I would be. The main problem is fighting the ‘down’ moments. Sometimes I get really really depressed and that is so not me. I can’t understand it. I can’t climb away from it. Debbie, my one woman support team, is constantly there for me, rallying me on, but I just can’t get going again… until now when I have decided that this simply is not the way I want to live.

I have shows to do and people to make laugh. I will start attacking the scene again on Monday because shows don’t just happen by accident. Tomorrow I will make my lists whilst listening to my support team do her Radio Berkshire show.

My next blog will be a lot more cheerful, sorry to have been a disaster. Hope you are all well and happy and if you’re not… that you soon improve, ‘cos that’s what I am going to do.

25 comments to Let’s Forget January

  • Anthony
    February 4, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    We all go through these “times” in our lives…no problem at all. I hope everything works out and things get back to normal soon.

  • Frances R. A. Napper
    February 4, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Fran
    February 4, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Hi Paul,
    There’s nothing wrong with a touch of depression, in your case it’s not surprising after recent events! Try to take it easy so you recover properly quicker. Thanks for sharing your experience. Fran

  • Frances R. A. Napper
    February 4, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    OMG! I had no idea. Sending you and Debbie my good wishes. I hope you are fully on the mend now. I have missed reading your tweets. Your tweets were one of the reasons I joined twitter in the first place. I enjoyed your fun tweets and I was so sorry to learn that you’ve not been at all feeling very well.

    Sending you my good wishes. Please take care. Love SmileyRoseRamblings (Frances Napper) x

  • swoop
    February 4, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Chin up Paul.
    You are one of the originals of my era of variety TV.

    Get well soon. Nobody can make you feel great about yourself, but yourself.

    And that’s Magic. 🙂

  • catmutha
    February 4, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    I do hope you feel better soon PD. you’ve had such a crap start to 2012 and we don’t half miss you and your daily anecdotes. Seem trivial compared to what you’ve been through. Keep up the fight x

  • @alanc1ark
    February 4, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    Chin up Paul, at least you are not bottling it all up inside and making the situation worse. The more you talk about it the easier it becomes and the worries and stresses slowly melt away. These things are sent to test us all and it is how we deal with them that determine what sort of person we are. Anyway all the best and here’s looking at a speedy and full recovery. Also hope the rest of the year turns out better too!!

  • Dave Anderson
    February 4, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    Sending love and happy thoughts from the Highlands of Scotland. We are sent these trials in life and must soldier on through. Easier said than done obviously. I hope you bounce back soon.

  • Stringbean
    February 5, 2012 at 12:20 am

    The People need you, not just for your magic, but your spirit, and love of life, now get back on the bus.that’s an order.

  • Pete Biro
    February 5, 2012 at 12:42 am

    You are over the worst part and I am sure all will be just fine. I am a bit going through something similar. I went into the Emergency room at the hospital THREE TIMES a few days before Christmas. Turned out a urinary tract blockage due to enlarged prostate. Now am wearing a bag under my trousers and away SURGERY scheduled on 21 February. Growing old is not for sissies.

    On the good side, Linda had her birthday party with all ladies at the Il Cielo restarant, which you know well.

    Keep your PECKER UP Gov’ner.

  • Bill's Blog
    February 5, 2012 at 2:43 am

    Hi Paul
    Really sorry to read about all your problems. But with one less organ to worry about that big smile should soon be back on your face. Thinking of you with all good wishes to get back to your usual bouncy self. Bill

  • Magischer Zirkel Tirol
    February 5, 2012 at 6:34 am

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Magischer Zirkel Tirol
    February 5, 2012 at 6:34 am

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • Magischer Zirkel Tirol
    February 5, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Ups, had difficuties to post here.
    All the best Paul from your friends in Austria. Hope you are well soon. Sounds silly but it is true: after rain comes always sun.
    We all remember the days you stayed at our circle 2004 in Mayrhofen Tyrol. Was a lot of fun – not a lot for Silvan 😉 …….
    Best regards

  • stephen
    February 5, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Hi Paul just wanted to wish you all the best and a speedy recovery. Have missed your tweets. Was great meeting you and the lovely Debbie on tour in Darlington a while ago

  • Dean Carnegie
    February 5, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Just remember the words, “This too shall pass” and before you know it brighter skies will be before you. All my best on a speedy recovery!!!

  • Colin
    February 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Hi Paul
    What a month for sure but the way forward must be a lot brighter. We all love and respect you and Debbie
    I had the good fortune to have met you some years ago at our local magic convention and was really inspired by the way you as a celebrity mixed and enjoyed conversing with us mere mortal fans recounting tales and offering advice radiating your warmth and passion I could have listened to you all day long every day. Good wishes to you for a speedy recovery and that you have happier times to come.

  • Paul e Watts
    February 5, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Keep your pecker up Paul – it can only get better. Plan the shows, get rehearsing, keep positive! You’re still such a brilliant performer and entertainer – saw you and Debbie in Edinburgh at the fringe last summer and we were – and still are – in total awe!

  • Johann
    February 5, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    Paul – you have been an inspiration to many many young (and old) magicians over the years. You have been extremely generous in your advice to me and I am proud and honoured that you have been there for me on numerous occasions. I know you and Debbie have great support from your families and friends around the globe but you know where we are…Get back to your old self asap!!

  • Martin Duffy
    February 5, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    Hi again Paul.
    That last comment (Johann) was from me – not sure why it came up with that profile name!!

  • Christine
    February 5, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    Hi Paul ..All the nastyness (accident and op) are behind you. You’ll soon be home and back to your old self. I had the gall bladder op a few years ago and I’ve been brill ever since. The depression will pass. Its temporary , youve been through a lot … It’s allowed !! So come on Paul ..
    Chin up .. Onwards and upwards.. and don’t let any silly sods grind you down.
    We miss you on Twitter xx

  • Robert
    February 6, 2012 at 1:06 am

    This is the anaesthetic talking, not Mr Daniels! It will take a few days to clear the system so come on, old chap, get Debbie to put on her nurse’s outfit and you’ll be tickety boo in no time at all!

  • fairy spangles
    February 6, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Hi Paul,

    I am absolutely shocked!!!I really didn’t realise all this had happened. You have a more than one woman support team now. I am there!!!!!!!!

    Come on you are an amazing ,positive,best person and friend….This is now forward and onward and UP!UP!UP!
    Love Fairy Spanglesxx

  • Michael Trussler
    February 6, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Oh dear, sorry to hear you’ve been down, Paul – it’s entirely natural you’re under a lot of stress. It’s a perfectly normal response to feel like that, healthy, even. I know it must seem odd and unusual to someone with your vigour and obvious love of life, but it’ll pass. It’s just because you’ve had to stay strong and happy for so long under such strain these last few weeks – don’t be hard on yourself, you’ve done brilliantly.
    Hoping too that the pain from your surgery passes quickly – I’ve known several people who have had their gallbladders out and they all report excellent results afterwards, so please look forward to that, sir 🙂
    It takes a strong man to bear his soul as you have been doing these last few troubling weeks, you have my undying admiration for the way in which you’ve seen your way through these tough times, quite quite inspiring.
    Wishing you the speediest of recoveries, all the best, Michael.

  • Frances R. A. Napper
    May 18, 2012 at 12:50 am

    Glad to see you back on Twitter. 🙂