The Gall of It!!! | Paul Daniels Magic World

The Gall of It!!!

Hey, has anyone out there got a time machine? I would really like to go back to 8a.m. on the morning of the 1st January this year and start all over again.

Now that is not like me at all ‘cos I have always been a tomorrow person and I hope that tomorrow I will be back to being that again but those who have been following my scribblings will know that all has not been well. The hand is doing really well now and when last I wrote I was getting over the removal of the gall bladder. I was getting over the effects of that operation when….
We did ten radio/media interviews on the morning and I went into London to do a TV show which over-ran by one and half hours. Then we went to see the fabulous Hans Klok show, The Houdini Experience. Hans had been round our house and we had gone through a lot of the items, the language (Hans is Dutch), some of the staging, but this was the first time I had seen the show live. It was really good but in the interval I started to get twinges, hung onto the end and congratulated Hans and his team but headed for home and by now the pain was worse.
Of course the road agency knew this and closed off the M4 so it took forever to get home and by then I was in agony. Exactly the same pain was back again. I couldn’t believe it. The bladder was gone, what could this be? All I know is that I was exhausted and I was in pain. Debbie made the calls and once again our house became the ambulance parking spot. The paramedics stuffed me into a chair and carried me downstairs, loaded me in and set off for the hospital. By now I am sure they were thinking that I was some kind of training exercise on a weekly basis.
All the same procedure as before… I think I could probably get a job in a hospital now… I know where to stick the needles, put the tubes in, stuff the oxygen pipes up the hooter, inject the morphine, blood pressure tests, suck the blood out….. They came to the conclusion that when the gall bladder was removed one little stone decided to hide out in a backwater and that was creating the pain.
“We’ll find out whereabouts it is hiding, and then go down your throat with a camera and set of tools to move it into a place where it can eject itself.” I had a mental picture of a gremlin stone, desperately hanging onto the sides of one of my tubes determined not to let go.
The drugs eased the pain and I was told that I would have to go through an MRI scanner to find out where it was. I know quite a bit about them because when years ago I helped to raise a lot of money to buy a couple of these HUGE electromagnetic tubes. On that occasion I got to meet the genius who invented them.
On the other hand I used to suffer from claustrophobia and I didn’t want it to come back so I asked them to knock me out whilst they pushed me through the scanner. OK, it’s my fault. I didn’t understand the difference between sedate (which is supposed to relax you) and an anaesthetic which knocks you out.

So there I am, in the holding area before being launched into the tube, and a doctor came in with one and half little blue pills. I warned him that if these were Viagra they might not be able to get me into the tube. Ignoring me he said that in 20 minutes I would be completely relaxed. I wasn’t. I was knocking out the jokes and felt no difference.

He gave me another one and half little blue pills. 20 minutes later he gave me another three. Unbelievable I know but 20 minutes later he kind of gave up and came into the room with a little pot with, wait for it, another TEN of these pills saying that now I really would feel a difference.

I didn’t so they brought in an anaesthetist to knock me out. Apparently Debbie eventually came home and then the next morning phoned in to find out how I was. They kept telling her I was still asleep and I can only imagine the panic in her when they kept saying I was still in recovery.

I was. I was recovering from all the nights of lost sleep. I slept for 36 hours and by the time I woke up they had done everything they wanted to do and I came home.

Sure, I felt weakened but I have always been a fairly active guy and the hardest part was making myself do nothing. Debbie and my management cancelled the tour shows that I had lined up and I HATED that but they were being wiser than I was.

Yesterday I started to feel better and today I am feeling ready to take on the stage show again. I’ll be able to fulfill the two dates I have this weekend. The missed shows are being re-scheduled. The only problem is that by doing nothing I am finding it very difficult to sleep at night. I am simply not tired.

Where’s that anaesthetist when I need him?

8 comments to The Gall of It!!!

  • Robert
    March 7, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    I suppose you realise that all of this is happening because you decided to sell MAG 1C!

    Your old 4×4 is getting its own back so you’d better keep the old crock before you turn into one yourself!

    Keep your pecker up…..

  • Pete Biro
    March 7, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    My goodness you are sure learning the medical profession (the hard way). But, I know you’ll soon be knocking ’em dead.

  • mikotondria
    March 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    I started reading with curiosity, which in turn lead to concern about you feeling unwell, and then to shock on reading about being carried out to the ambulance and being in hospital.
    I’m afraid, however, I burst out laughing about the Viagra/MRI comment – is it purely a British thing to make such jokes in those situations ?Whatever it is, they should bottle it. Wishing you a contemplatative and speedy recovery, sir. Hopefully your cable tv is set up to not receive Jeremy Kyle; the scourge of the rest-bidden and bed-ridden.
    All the best.

  • illusiongenius
    March 9, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Paul, I know it is hard to rest, but you have to see it this way: rest or die. The body must have time to recover and let the natural process of restoration take place. I fear that you are probably hitting it back to work too soon. I don’t mean to be a downer. I care about you…as does, the world. I loved your blog and how positive it was and the jokes. But really mate, listen to an old hand at being down for the count…you can always read or be read to, if you are not so inclined. You can always write or dictate. You don’t have to swing it hard on stage. Get well, be well, embrace doing”nothing” as you will need the rest. You’ll like it…not a lot, but you will like it…and now you are getting s-l-e-e-p-y.

    your pal,

  • Masterless Magician
    March 11, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    I agree with the Illusiongenius. Speaking as someone with tickets even we’d all rather reschedule and have you amongst the living than see you make yourself ill again. As someone in the “not particularly well club” I do understand the frustration of it all, how when people tell you to rest you just feel like snapping, but you ARE one heck of a smart guy, and so you must know that as terrible as it is, it’ for the best. Please take care, you mean an awful lot to a lot of people.

  • maskedmagic
    March 14, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    Just wanted to say that I and all members of maskedmagic wish Paul all the best and are praying for a happy recovery.

    At least now you probably know enough about hospitals that you can become a doctor or something 🙂

    Hope you get better soon mate

  • LizR
    March 25, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    I’ve just had my gall bladder taken out by the New Zealand health system and it went a treat, incredibly luckily I had very little pain – the nurses kept asking and I kept saying hmm, my throat’s a bit sore – got a bit of an ache in the knee… Lucky or what, if I believed in God or lucky stars I’d have something to thank but, as it is I’m just profoundly grateful to the wonderful people who do this sort of job, not to mention awestruck. How they cope wih people like me day after day…!

    Really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like being able to go to the loo without a saline drip in tow, or just being able to stand outside in the rain.

    I must be soft because some people have uimaginable things to dealt with and keep a still upper lip. Some of the stuff I overheard was enough to turn my hair grey (well, you know, if it wasn’t aready). And if you think back just 50 years… thank God (well, whoever) we live in the 21st century…and in the Western world.

    I bet it would take a fraction of the cost of all these wars to provide the whole world with water, sanitation, education and particularly adequate health care. Children still die of preventable diseases in the 3rd world. Getting genuinely universal health care would be a giant leap to put a few moon rocks in perspective.

    Scuse me. Had a lot of time to brood recently…

  • LizR
    March 25, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    PS my son (13) loves “the cups and balls with the orange and lemon” trick, I hope that means something and I don’t need a red faced smiley here!